Verrit – Best Of (So Far)

hell

Jean Paul Sartre once claimed that ‘Hell is other people’. This is only true if those people are associated in any way with the bizarre media, er, thing that is Veritt. The concept behind it is nonsensical. It’s explicitly aimed at Clinton voters and provides ‘veritts’. Veritts are like tweets, but they contain a citation. They are the answer to a problem that doesn’t exist.

The site is essentially comfort tweeting for frustrated fans of the Clinton campaign (who are not a particularly significant force, given the fact that she is currently less popular than the unprecedentedly unpopular head of state who defeated her). Hillary herself makes plenty of appearances, spouting an endless stream of banalities. Joy Ann Reid, who once accused me of being a Khmer-Rouge sleeper agent from Mahdist Transnistria, also makes an appearance. So too do random pieces of patriotic gibberish. In short, it’s a fungal dystopia.

To be honest, Alex Nichols has already done a fairly good job of interrogating the tangled (and sad) career of the levantine shyster behind the site so I don’t really need to give much background, except to present my favourite verrits, which collectively represent an unconscious auto-critique of the Hillary Clinton campaign and everything it stands for.

verritkennedy

This is factually inaccurate. The hottest places in hell are reserved for Kennedys.

verritianeman

Why do they list Time Magazine (not any particular issue of Time magazine, just Time Magazine) as a source and not, say, the widespread, acknowledged consensus of everyone who isn’t directly employed by the Chinese state? Does Daou believe his audience consists entirely of shockingly uninformed and naive Cantonese farmers?

verritceo

The most neoliberal thing ever produced by anyone, brought to you by people who claim that neoliberalism doesn’t exist.

verrutruman

America was built on slaves, high-fructose corn syrup and a desire to keep Spaniards out of Virginia.

verrit1

I could say this every day forever and never be wrong. Why even bother providing a citation for something so fucking banal that nobody would ever dispute its veracity? Also, if Hillary Democrats are the heart and conscience of America then the whole place thoroughly deserves to be nuked.

verrit2

‘Vote Goldwater’ – Also Hillary Clinton

PS: Don’t plagiarise the Style Council

verritmob

Hillary will secure them accommodation by billeting them in Homs.

verichism

Unlike during the first quarter of 2014 when women’s ‘idealism and determination’ were completely unnecessary.

RRE

I was afraid that she would lose the election despite the fact that the opposing candidate was a raging orange id. I was correct. Also, nobody tried to kill her. Nor has anybody ever been rushed to hospital with a severe case of terminal detraction. ee2.JPGYou’re right. This captures perfectly the feeling of Hillary Clinton after having endorsed Veritt.

One of the more amusing features of the site is the fact that much of it consists of high-concept vaguebooking. This has become particularly pronounced as a result of the clusterfuck of derision the site has (justifiably) attracted. More recent tweets are literally just ejaculations of self-pity.

verfuck

To give some context here, Audre Lorde was an outspoken black, lesbian feminist during the 1950s. Verrit are implicitly comparing the experience of being a bitter and confused Hillaryman with that of being Audre Lorde.

This is almost certainly the peak of centrist self-pity, but these eejits never grow weary of out-cretining each other.

Pokemon go fuck yourselves.

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News Roundup 8/3/2017

Kevin Myers Blood Libels Claudia Winkleman

Rent-a-contrarian Kevin Myers has accused BBC presenter Claudia Winkleman of murdering a child in order to use its blood in passover bread, charges which Winkleman vigorously denies. This is just the latest in a series of articles by Myers, whose recent output includes such takes as ‘Dreyfus Exoneration: A Travesty of Justice’ and ‘Alfred Rosenberg: Misunderstood Genius.’ Other right-wing pundits have leapt to Myers’ defence, arguing that Kevin Myers’ auto-reactionary support for the state of Israel is definitive evidence that he is not an anti-Semite, even if he does occasionally accuse Vanessa Feltz of desecrating communion hosts.

Frank McDonald – Assaultwatch

Congratulations to journalist and violent thug Frank McDonald, who has successfully managed not to assault any women this week. Frank, who once hit a bartender because she wouldn’t turn a nightclub down, continues to restrain his murderous impulses. Friends, family and colleagues are said to be pleased with his continued progress. Keep up the good work, Frank!

Doctor Who Controversy

The BBC have divided adult fans of children’s television program Doctor Who by casting known Roman Catholic Jodie Whittaker in the role of the time-travelling alien. Many viewers have been angered, pointing to the fact that, canonically, the Reverend Doctor Who is a Presbyterian (as established in the 1981 episode ‘Attack of the Arminians’). The Pleased Middle Press Corps condemn this latest example of creeping cultural papism at the BBC, an organisation known to be heavily infiltrated by Jesuits.

Republican Health Bill Fails

Due to divisions among Republicans, attempts to repeal Obamacare have once again come to nothing. The controversy has revealed major cleavages between the three main factions within the Republican party. A short explanation of these factional divisions for those outside the beltway follows:

  1. The House Freedom Caucus: Consists mainly of people who want child labourers to die from eating uninspected meat in segregated restaurants.
  2. RINOs (Republicans in Negligee Often): The moderate wing of the Republican Party, tending to favour the re-invasion of both Iraq and Grenada, as well as changes to public school curricula that would make snake-handling and speaking in tongues mandatory subjects.
  3. Alleged Mavericks: Consists entirely of John McCain.

Equatorial Guinea

Congratulations to glorious and temperate leader Teodoro Obiang-Nguema who has been re-elected head of the Democratic Party of Equatorial Guinea for an indefinite term.

Patreon News

We at the Pleased Middle would like to thank our newest Patreon supporter, Teodoro Obiang-Nguema.